Mediation and restorative justice (RJ) interests often seek accountability and forgiveness. Our culture does not readily accept responsibility for wrongdoing; and as far as forgiveness, it is a process that usually takes time. Often, people withhold forgiveness until responsibility is taken. (However, saying that, forgiveness can be given without someone saying “I’m sorry” or even taking accountability. This has been evidenced in murder cases, where the victim’s family has forgiven even an unremorseful murderer). RJ processes usually screen the offenders up front, checking for responsibility and willingness to repair harm. Mediation usually originates from a complaint, focusing on blame and proving who is right or wrong. In mediation, it is not uncommon to literally have two offenders and two victims, both contributing to the conflict. As a RJ or mediation process evolves, participants with power, usually the victim or complainant indicate a readiness to shift from an upfront position to punish or “hold over” the other person an adverse consequence. This readiness can be observed. Sometimes this movement results from simply seeing the other person face to face, or the realization that this is a human being with feelings, or that there are contributing past life experiences. Sometimes the change happens through hearing heart-felt expressions or realizing true intentions and events surrounding the situation. Participants begin to appreciate a broader perspective and tend to want to move to a “different place” either “with the other person” or “within one’s self”. My guess is that most people are seeking to meet self-needs first. They want peace within and to know that they are doing “the right thing”. These often are humanitarian interests that focus on mercy, compassion, forebearance, leniency, charity, or grace. If facilitators and mediators shift their paradigm from traditional RJ or mediator techniques by following these subtle movements to explore underlying interests, maybe a bit of humanity will surface. Once mercy is extended, accountability may more aptly and better yet, genuinely follow.
