a good compromise...

 

 

 

 

 

 

As mediators, we must learn to bite our lips and resist the temptation to offer our solutions. This is a discipline and practice that takes tremendous effort and self awareness. The benefits, however, are worth it. I have been blown away many times by the agreements my clients have reached; solutions I wouldn’t or couldn’t have come up with. I remember a court mediation between two former army buddies (let’s say Sam and Jack). Sam had entrusted some of his personal belongings to Jack. Jack had left them in his unlocked vehicle and they were stolen. For almost an hour, Sam kept demanding compensation of $500 and Jack kept insisting that he didn’t have that much money. Fortunately, I squelched the impulse to say what I was thinking, “How about a compromise and just split the difference”. Instead, in a last ditch effort to move the young men off of positions onto interests, I asked if there was anything in addition to money that could be considered of value in their conversation. Sam quickly said, “Yeah, I want my ABU back! It was really special to me.” (Airmen Battle Uniform – I looked it up later). Jack quickly replied, “Really, well you can have mine. We’re the same size and I don’t care about it.” From there, it was just a matter of minutes before an agreement was signed and they were shaking hands with grins on their faces. Jack even voluntarily threw in $100. As they walked out the door, Jack said to Sam, “We’re still friends, right?” I’ll never forget that moment and the realization that I could have really messed it up by inserting myself in their conversation. Thank goodness I didn’t push for a compromise!