For many separating or divorcing couples with minor children, the last thing on their minds is a new romantic relationship. It’s all they can do to get out of their current soured one as fast as possible. However, more than ever, I’m realizing the importance of couples thinking through and establishing some guidelines for future dating relationships and including them in parenting plans. I recently did a mediation for a young couple with a 5-yr. old daughter. A year after their separation, the mother started including a new boyfriend into her daughter’s parenting time as well as the boyfriend’s adolescent son. The father was very angry that he was not informed or consulted before Mom exposed their daughter to this man and his son. He worried about his daughter’s safety and how this could confuse and negatively impact her.
Understanding and agreeing to dating guidelines can help pre-empt conflict and foster more productive communication between parents. It’s important that parents consider such questions as: How long should we wait before introducing a new romantic interest to our child? What wording should be used when making introductions? How much time and what activities with the child are appropriate? How might it impact our child if this relationship ends? Issues like these are always difficult and complex but one thing I know for sure; they are much messier when parents do not attempt to address them in the parenting plan from the get go.