In this U-Tube video from TV’s Big Bang Theory, Sheldon gives a humorous example of what not to do when making an apology. In real life there is nothing funny about a botched apology. So, what makes a good apology good and what makes a sorry apology, well, sorry? We’ve all been on the receiving end of an insincere apology, or worse, the apology that leaves you feeling accused. Here are a few dos and don’ts to keep you from making some of the same mistakes as Sheldon.
Do use “I” language –“I’m sorry that I didn’t do what I promised.”
Don’t follow an “I” with a “you”- “I’m sorry that you misunderstood what I meant.
Result: You’ve put blame on the other person instead of owning your actions and their impact.
Do be specific in naming the offense- “I’m sorry that I didn’t get your feedback on the budget before approving it.”
Don’t make excuses.-“I’m sorry, but you were in a meeting.”
Result: You’ve justified and minimized your offense.
Do acknowledge the feelings of the other person.-“I’m sorry that my comment hurt your feelings and you felt embarrassed.”
Don’t turn acknowledging the other’s feelings into an attack.-“I’m sorry if your feelings get hurt too easily and you can’t handle the truth.”
Result: You’ve just made a bad situation worse!
Like Sheldon, if we keep trying, we’ll eventually get it right. So, the next time you need to make an apology, try to remember the do’s and avoid the don’ts. I promise, you won’t be sorry!